Five Ways Not To Stress Over Your Wedding

Preparing and planning a wedding in Africa has become synonymous with stress and angst. As a groom, with my wedding in exactly 74 days, I have noticed how we’ve embraced stress as a regular part of wedding preparations. Everyone—your bridal party, family members, friends, and vendors—seems to believe that you must be stressed when planning your wedding. Some expect you to stop enjoying life, neglect your health, and worry about every little detail. Sometimes, people even stop laughing and having casual fun whenever anything wedding-related is mentioned. Stress just hangs in the air.

The worst part is that you, the bride and groom, often feel it the most—the bride over the details, and the groom over the budget. And dear bride, you may feel it even more, understandably, since the wedding day is often your dream day.

Stress can come from those directly or indirectly involved in the planning, or your desire to ensure everything is perfect. Financial burdens are a major source of stress, especially when your available funds don’t match your expectations. Family drama can also add pressure, especially in our African context. So yes, stress is real—but I believe you can and should embrace a more joyful, less stressful approach to wedding planning. Here’s how.

1) Value and enjoy your time with your partner as you plan—because planning a wedding should be exciting.

I’ve been so excited, looking forward to marrying my best friend, Annie. Every time I realise it’s happening, I’m filled with joy. The preparations haven’t all been smooth, but imagining myself and my fiancée vowing to spend the rest of our lives together has been deeply fulfilling. I mean, my daily crush becoming my wife? That’s exciting—and that’s the energy that should carry you through the process.

Brainstorming, searching for vendors, working on budgets, visiting venues, and meeting people have all been exciting because I’ve done them with my best friend. We’ve argued, laughed, made mistakes, and discovered new things together. We’ve disagreed and rejoiced. Through it all, progress is made, life continues, and our friendship flourishes.

Enjoy planning your wedding with your partner. Your responsibilities shouldn’t feel like burdens. This is the only wedding you’ll plan together—make the most of it. Take breaks, don’t be too formal, laugh, eat, and relax as you move forward.

2) Focus on the main thing—most of what we worry about is secondary.

A couple of months ago, my friend Jemimah Daka, who was preparing for her wedding, asked me about my plans. I jokingly said, “My plan is very simple: to get my girl and go home.” That wasn’t just a joke. What else are you trying to achieve on your wedding day if not to get married?

Stress creeps in when everything becomes a priority. But many things shouldn’t be.

Here is my 10-point wedding preparation priority checklist:

1. Are you both committed to marrying each other?

2. Are your families aware of your decision?

3. Is your church involved in your wedding process?

4. Is premarital counselling taking place?

5. Is the law of the land in favour of your union?

6. Do you have a wedding officiator?

7. Do you have a preacher?

8. Is your wedding date and venue confirmed with the church?

9. Do you both have your outfits ready?

10. Have you secured transportation for both of you to be present at the event?

If you can answer “yes” to these, your wedding can happen—with or without decorations and the other 100 things you’re stressing about.

    3) Plan within the measure of your blessings and enjoy the outcomes.

Don’t break the bank. God has given you enough—do the best you can with it. Annie and I were encouraged to plan within our means, so that even if no one fulfils their pledges, we can still get married and be happy. Your wedding is unique. Do what you can, and don’t stress over what you can’t. It’s okay not to have certain things if you can’t afford them. Enjoy your blessings and flourish within them. Dream big, but don’t let your dreams outpace your blessings—that’s a recipe for stress.

     4) Trust that God knows you have a wedding on the way.

One way my fiancée and I encourage each other is by reminding ourselves that God knows we have a wedding coming. God loves marriages and weddings and will provide in ways that glorify Him and bless you. Stress comes when you lose faith and lean on your own understanding. Do your best with what you can, leave the rest to God, and enjoy what He brings your way.

    5) Remember—not every detail of your wedding will be perfect.

There’s so much effort poured into a 2–3 hour event. No matter how well you plan, something may go wrong—and that’s okay. You’ll still be married. Don’t miss the point: this one-day event is about beginning a lifetime with the love of your life, not the show.

In conclusion, there’s so little in life that you get to do only once. Planning a wedding with your current partner is one of them.

Enjoy every bit of it. Value the process. Focus on getting married—not the show. Trust that God knows you have an event on the way. Go out, get some ice cream, relax, and live life. Trust me, people won’t even remember the color of your suit or the length of the veil. Your wedding day will come to pass; the preparations shouldn’t steal your joy.